不要同负一轭

我打从一开始就不想和我的丈夫结婚，因为我从小就是复临信徒，但我丈夫却来自不同教派。但是双方父母都在努力促成我们的婚姻。无可奈何之下，我只能顺服。

于是我去找我的未婚夫——黄明谈话。我提出了一个要求：“我们可以结婚，但我不会因此改变信仰。”他说他对这件事完全没有意见。

当我们谈论到婚礼的筹备时，我表示希望能在复临教会举办婚礼。但是他却反对说：“不行！我是丈夫，婚礼应该办在我的教会才对。”

我试图找出折衷的方法，我说：“那我们在户外办婚礼吧！但婚礼必须是由一位复临教会的牧师来主持。”

我有位堂兄是黄明所属教会的牧师，黄明就建议说：“那就请你那位堂兄来主持吧！”

但我拒绝了他的建议，并且提出了自己的想法：“不行，必须是复临教会的牧师。你的姐夫是复临教会的牧师，我们请他来主持吧！”

我们为此讨论、争执了好一段时间。

最后我坚持说：“如果不是由复临教会的牧师主持婚礼，我就不会嫁给你！”

 “好吧，那我先问问我母亲的建议如何，”他说。

他的母亲曾是一名复临信徒，但嫁给了非复临信徒的丈夫后，就参加了丈夫那边的教会。

黄明跟他母亲谈话后，就跟我说：“好，我妈妈同意我们请复临教会的牧师主持。”

但这并不是麻烦的终结。原来黄明的母亲中意我，并且极力让儿子娶我，是希望我能改变她的儿子。他常常酗酒，星期天也不去教会。她认为我有能力帮助她的儿子，并希望我在结婚后会加入他们的教会。

我心里其实对与不同信仰的人结婚并不开心。黄明也知道我不喜欢，但是整个部落的人都知道双方父母的意愿。这个时候如果我们决定不结婚，会让黄明在族人面前颜面尽失。加上有很多人一直在他面前称赞我说：“她是一个好女人，你一定要把她娶回家！”

他为了能娶我不至于丢失颜面，决定加入复临教会。在婚礼的前一个月，他接受查经并受了洗。我永远都不会忘记那一天。他从水中上来时哭了。他是想跟我结婚，但他其实并不想放弃他的旧生活，比如继续喝酒。

在双方父母同意的六个月后，我们请了一位复临教会的牧师主持户外婚礼。

我在结婚后压力倍增，因为我一直在想办法改变我丈夫。我必须每周安息日把他带到教会去，也必须教他如何与他人分享耶稣。

黄明深受打击。他为了娶我放弃了很多原本喜欢的事物，这使他自尊心受创。我后来还告诉他我们可能要晚点才可以生孩子。

我解释说：“你多年来一直在吃不洁净的食物并且酗酒。你的身体状况并不健康。”

我们等了将近七个月。在那段时间，我教导他如何吃健康食物，如何过健康的生活方式。我们的邻居看见他的改变，称赞他已经成为了一个新人。

但他心里并不想成为一个新人。在生了女儿后，他又重回喝酒的老习惯。我既伤心又失望，但我不能离开他。

十年后，我们有了第二个女儿。我们常常争吵，直到有一天我再也忍受不了了。我建议两人分居，他没有回答，我就带着两个女儿到一位朋友家暂住。我想让我的丈夫一个人在家里好好思考失去家庭的生活，但黄明不想离婚。他花了三天时间，终于在我朋友家里找到了我们。他答应我们他会改变。

我非常爱我的丈夫，但若是能重新选择，我不会同意与他结婚。我起初答应嫁给他是因为我认为自己可以借着上帝的帮助改变他。甚至在婚礼之前，我还向上帝祷告说：“若是祢想要救这人，请祢一定要赐给我力量改变他”。但是《圣经》的话不会错：“你们和不信的原不相配，不要同负一轭。”（林后6:14）就连世上最有智慧的人。所罗门王，都曾经付出了很大的代价才学会了这一点。与自己有同样信仰的人结婚还是最好的选择。

如果一个基督复临安息日会的女人嫁给了一个非基督复临安息日会的伴侣，我想给你的忠告就是在信仰和生活上必定要为你的丈夫立下好榜样―为他做饭、祷告，让他看见你的信仰。如同耶稣说的话：“我差你们去，如同羊进入狼群；所以你们要灵巧像蛇，驯良像鸽子。”（太10:16）

我们要感谢上帝，即使我们是软弱的，祂仍然可以拯救我们。我的丈夫现在已经成为一位富有爱心的父亲和丈夫。他在教会是热心的信徒，也是一位长老。愿荣耀归予上帝！

来源：本文译自《圣工消息》（社会青年季刊）2021年第四季

Unequally Yoked

I didn’t want to marry my husband because I was raised a Seventh-day Adventist and he belonged to another Christian denomination. But both of our parents wanted us to get married, and I had to obey our parents.

So, I went to my future husband, Ming-Huang, and said, “We can get married, but I will not change my religion.” He didn’t have a problem with that.

But then we started to discuss the wedding. I wanted it to be held in an Adventist church, but he said, “No! Because I am the husband, it should be in my church.”

I tried to find a compromise. “Let’s have the wedding outside,” I said. “But,” I added, “an Adventist pastor must officiate the wedding.”

One of my cousins was a pastor in Ming-Huang’s church, so he said, “Let’s ask your cousin to officiate the wedding.”

 “No, it must be an Adventist pastor,” I said. “Your brother-in-law is an Adventist pastor, so let’s ask him to officiate the wedding.”

We argued back and forth.

Finally, I said, “If it is not an Adventist pastor, then I will not marry you.”

 “Fine,” he replied. “I’ll ask my mother what to do.”

His mother had been a member of the Adventist Church. But her husband was not an Adventist and, after getting married, she had joined his church.

After speaking with his mother, Ming-Huang told me, “OK, my mother said we can have an Adventist pastor.”

But that was not the end of our troubles. It turned out that his mother liked me because she wanted me to change her son. He drank and didn’t go to church on Sundays. She thought I would make him behave. She also thought that I would join her church after the wedding.

I felt uncomfortable with the idea of marrying outside my faith. Ming-Huang knew that I felt uncomfortable, but by this time the whole village knew that our parents wanted us to get married. If we split up, he would lose face. It would be very embarrassing. In addition, many people praised me to him, saying, “She is a good girl. You have to marry her.”

He decided to become an Adventist so I would marry him and he wouldn’t lose face. A month before the wedding, he took Bible studies and was baptized. I’ll never forget that day. He wept as he came out of the water. He wanted to marry me, but he didn’t want to leave his old life. He didn’t want to stop drinking.

Six months after our parents decided that we should get married, we had an outdoor wedding with an Adventist pastor.

I felt a lot of pressure after the wedding. I felt like I had to change my husband. I had to bring him to church every Sabbath. I had to teach him to share Jesus with others.

Ming-Huang was a beaten man. He lost a great deal of self-esteem because he gave up so much to marry me. Then I informed him that he also had to wait to have a baby.

 “You have drunk alcohol and eaten unclean food for a long time,” I said. “Your body is polluted.”

We waited seven months. During that time, I taught my husband how to eat healthy food and live a healthy lifestyle. Our neighbors noticed that he had changed and praised him as a new man.

But he didn’t want to be a new man. After our daughter was born, he began drinking again. I was sad and upset, but I couldn’t leave him.

Ten years passed, and we had a second daughter. We had many conflicts. One day I realized that we could no longer follow this path. I suggested that we separate, but he didn’t respond. So, I took our two children, the baby and 10-year-old girl, to the home of friends. I wanted my husband to be alone at home and think about life without his family. Ming-Huang didn’t want a divorce. He searched for me for three days and found me at the friends’ house. He agreed to change his ways.

I love my husband dearly, but I wouldn’t agree to marry him again if I could do it all over. I got married because I thought I could change him with God’s help. Before our wedding, I even prayed, “If You want to save this man, You must help me to change him.” But the Bible is right when it says, “Do not be unequally yoked” (1 Corinthians 6:14; NKJV). It’s better to marry a spouse of your own faith. Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, learned this lesson the hard way.

If an Adventist woman is married to a non-Adventist, I recommend that you be a good example to your husband in your faith and lifestyle. Pray for him, cook for him, and show him your faith through your life. As Jesus said in Matthew 10:16, “Behold, I send you out as sheep in the midst of wolves. Therefore be wise as serpents and harmless as doves.”

Praise God that He saves us in spite of ourselves. My husband has become a caring husband and father. He also is a good church worker and an elder. God is good!

Please find the original article at: https://am.adventistmission.org/mqa21q4-28?